My first blog, 8 Tips on Cash Register Etiquette, was such a big hit, I thought it'd write a Part Two and release some holidays retail frustration. Enjoy.
1. Don’t Shop in A Bad Mood
Really people, if you’re in a bad mood, do not go shopping and ruin the good moods of everyone else. Your grumpy mumbling or sassy comebacks will not make for a pleasant cash register experience. If I ask you if you have a rewards card, that is not the proper time to then ramble on about your bad day or how you just want to go home, because guess what, I’d love to leave too but we can’t always get what we want, can we? I’ll never understand how you all can come shopping for gifts in the most hateful and selfish manner, but then turn around and give those gifts will love and compassion. That’s just messed up. Even if you hate Christmas shopping and are irritated by the mall crowds, there’s no need to take it out on your cashier because I guarantee you that we’re dealing will a lot more holiday bull crap than you are. Just remember shoppers, your part-time cashier is suffering through 35-hour weeks of mall madness, and you have the freedom to escape it at any given time. Come back when you’re feeling better.
2. Don’t Blame Me
Let me just tell you up front; it is not my fault that you have to shop, it is not my fault that you are spending money, and it is definitely not my fault when we don’t have the specific item/size/color that you need oh so desperately. Please don’t give the cashier a hard time when you just spent $100+ on a brand name gift – I do not make the prices around here. And don’t make smart remarks like “oh, of course you don’t” or “I should have known you wouldn’t be helpful” when I tell you that we’re out of boxes – I didn’t purposefully give them all away just so you specifically wouldn’t get one. It is not my fault that so-and-so has expensive taste or that you have 34 grandkids to shop for. I do not control prices, sales, inventory, your bank account, or what the other store has (or doesn’t have) in stock. It’ll be the day that pigs fly when customers finally realize that taking out frustration on your helpless cashier will not solve any of your problems.
3. Don’t be Stingy
I will never, ever understand the customer who comes into the store, picks out $500 worth of merchandise, comes up to the register, and then asks if they can get a discount because they are “loyal shoppers who have spent so much money in your store”. Um, last time I checked, that is what loyalty cards are for. Oh, but wait, you still refuse to sign up for one because you “get enough emails already”. Well then sorry I’m not sorry when I tell you that you can’t have a discount. And no, you cannot separate your purchase into three separate transactions so that you can use your 25% off of ONE item on three things. Rules are rules, people. The world of retail is cruel, deal with it. It’s great that you want to buy a foosball table and an air hockey table for your kids, but just because you’re getting both does not entitle you to a discount; they’re already on sale. Sure, you can speak to my manager but I promise you that you’re not going to like what she has to say either. This isn’t a flea market, you cannot barter prices.
4. Don’t Make Jerk Comments
“This must be a fun time of year for you”
“Sick of the holidays yet?”
“It’s so great that you’re staying open until eleven for the last minute shoppers.”
No, this is the worst time of year. Yes, I’ve been sick of the holidays since November 1st when they put up that stupid, oversized Christmas tree and started playing carols on the radio. And yeah, it’s fantastic that we’re open late, and then get to stay until after midnight to clean up the giant mess that you and your four kids just made in our store, only to turn around and come right back because guess what, we open earlier too. We are all trying really hard to fake smiles and be cheery but when you think that you’re being funny by reminding us of the hell that we face for the entire month of December, then don’t be surprised when I don’t laugh back. Retail workers have no ho, ho, ho, most wonderful time of the year, Buddy the Elf, Christmas joy (and if they do then they’re a rare, rare breed… or have taken happy pills). Hope you have a fantastic Christmas because you’ve sucked all the happiness out of it for me. And don’t tell me to have some holiday spirit. I want you to step behind this counter and do what I do for a day and then try to smile after that.
5. Don’t Complain About the Line
If we’re gonna all complain around here, then you might want to pull up a chair and stay a while. You don’t think I know how long the line is? You don’t think I know that you had to wait? You don’t think I know that it would be helpful if we had another cashier working? You just stood there, scrolled through your Facebook and Twitter a few times, and lost all of 5 minutes of your precious day, and then think you have to right to tell me that you’re irritated that the line was too long? I am sorry, friend, but you signed up for this. And I’m pretty sure that it’s the same thing every single year, so it really shouldn’t come as a surprise to you anymore. I am the one working on overdrive trying to move you along as fast as I can because honestly I don’t want you here for any longer than you want to be here. Don’t complain that the person in front of you needs a price check on what they believe is something that should be on sale, because I’d bet you a million dollars that you would do the exact same thing. I also do not think it is remotely funny when I ask you a question and your response is, “no, I’ve already been here long enough, I just want to pay and go.” Yeah, don’t we all, man, don’t we all. It’s also not very amusing when you angrily ask “isn’t any one working around here?” Yes, hi, me, right here! If you don’t want to deal with crowds or a long time, shop earlier or online or something. Jeez.
Happy Holidays, ya'll.
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