It’s been 5 months since my last panic attack.
Firstly, let me explain that there is a difference between a panic attack and an anxiety attack. A panic attack is the mind telling the body that it is in danger, resulting in the feeling that the walls are closing in, your throat is constricting, and that you are ultimately doomed. An anxiety attack is when the mind races, conjuring up every possible bad scenario, resulting in stress and fear, even if you don’t know why. For me, anxiety is a daily battle. Sometimes I know the root of my anxious mind; a social obligation, a hectic workload, or simply the thought of leaving the house. Sometimes, I have no idea why my heart is pounding, my hands are shaking, and my vision is blurry. I could assume everything is fine and dandy until my brain kicks on for no apparent reason and causes chaos. But, I haven’t had a panic attack in 5 months. I haven’t been overcome with the notion that I need to run, escape, or hide. I haven’t hyperventilated or cried uncontrollably. I haven’t called out of work or skipped class or stayed under the covers all day long. I haven’t lost control of my mind and my body and been convinced that it would never end. It’s been 5 months since my last full-blown panic attack and I cannot tell you how much of a relief that is. Yes, anxiety clouds my head every single day, but the fact that panic hasn’t been present for this long gives me hope that I’ll one day feel normal again. Hope that I won’t suffer for the rest of my life. Hope that I can regain control over my brain. I have done nothing out of the ordinary or different to stop the panic attacks. For the most part, everything is the same. Now all that’s left to do is continue to have hope that this remission continues to last. It’s been 5 months since my last panic attack.
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August 2018
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