For whatever reason, my entire life, I have been an over-sharer. I will tell you anything if you ask, and sometimes even when you don't. I don't feel shame or embarrassment and I don't hide my secrets. To be honest, I don't know why I'm so open about everything and sometimes I hate it. I'll tell someone something and immediately regret saying it, not because I don't want them to know, but because I feel like I can't just keep things to myself. Don't get me wrong, I can easily keep a friend's secret or successfully execute a surprise, but when it comes to my personal life, it's a free for all.
It's pretty evident here on this blog too. In my bio I tell you I have an anxiety disorder, and I tell you I have depression. Mental illness is not a stigma for me. Everyone knows about it. I'll tell people about my terrible relationship with my father. I'll tell people about my negative views on love and marriage. I'll talk about my past. I'll talk about my hurt. Call it blunt, I guess, but I'll share almost anything. Is this a good thing? Not necessarily. Is it a bad thing? I don't think so. But it is annoying. It makes it harder to connect with people when everyone knows everything about me. It's also harder to understand people who are guarded and closed off about their feelings because, to me, it's not a big deal. But I have to remind myself that not everyone is comfortable sharing their personal lives. It's just me; I am an over-sharer. I'm not looking for pity or empathy when I share my pain either. Believe me, that's the last thing I want. I think that most of the time I talk for the sake of talking. Really, if you just seem like you're listening then I don't expect any thoughtful feedback or advice. To be honest, I think that by sharing, whether verbally or through my writing, I am able to work through things on a personal level a lot easier. Sometimes you cannot simply talk to yourself in your own head and expect to understand what you're saying. My mind is a messy place. So I suppose I have to hear it, or read it, in order to process it. And I apologize if you think I'm being negative all of the time. Gosh, that bothers me so much. I am voicing an opinion or sharing my actual emotions with you, sorry for being real. If you're going to ask me how I'm doing, I'm not going to be that person that says I'm fine, because 9 times out of 10, I'm not fine. I'm an over-sharer, and therefore, I'll over-share how I'm actually doing. So here I am again, over-sharing about over-sharing. As I continue to learn more about myself, I also continue to learn that I like when I can but a label on something. I have learned that, when given the chance, I'll share. Who knows, maybe it'll help someone, or spark a thought, or lead to something new.
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WelcomeI'm Bianca; What I Write About:
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August 2018
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